This is Fine

On Thursday, I completed my last day of work at the psych hospital. It was bittersweet; I'd fought so hard to shake off my complacency and finally leave, went though so many interviews and close-calls to finally get a new job and better (or at least different) opportunity, that it was strange to finally be there. Saying goodbye to the kids was harder than I thought. Sometimes you forget, as you slog through the everyday tasks and issues with the kids, that they might actually appreciate your efforts. I received a few super nice letters which I added to my 8 year collection before stowing it away for good. 

My coworkers were nice enough to bring in a cake (my ultimate weakness, though to be honest I have many) and as we all stood around eating it, I finally felt like it was the end. I left in high spirits, met friends for celebratory drinks, then headed home for a game-filled night with M. 

Little did I know, the next morning I'd be woken up to a phone call telling me that one of the coworkers I shared cake with, eating it with, of course, our masks off, tested positive for Covid-19.

source

I'd thought of spending my day treating myself to a super long peruse at my favorite garden center to pick out a celebratory plant but all that came to a screeching halt and instead, I frantically texted M who was at work, emailed the new job (the one I was supposed to start on Monday), and made an appointment for a Covid test of my own. 

Luckily, M didn't really have contact with anyone at work and is able to work from home for the most part- or until I get my test results anyway. And also luckily- VERY luckily- my new boss and everyone at my new job was super supportive and understanding and nice and quick to help me figure out what my next steps should be. Regardless of the test results, I'm going to quarantine for 2 weeks before I start my new job.

It's all a bit weird to be honest. After a while, it's easy to get that "it couldn't happen to me" attitude, even though we've always been sure to take the necessary precautions. And then I let it slip a little bit to eat my fucking goodbye cake for crying out loud, and here we are. 

I've calmed down a lot since yesterday though. I have a feeling I'll be fine. Currently, I feel in good health (though I will closely monitor myself and take my temperature daily) as does the individual who tested positive. All I can do now is wait anyway.

More waiting. It feels like I've been waiting for my life to change a bit for ages and just when I thought I had it, I'm met with multiple hang-ups. My natural inclination is to get overwhelmed by all this but assuming I do not have covid-19 of course, things are still progressing, I'm still doing alright. I have to keep telling myself that. No getting overdramatic Ashley!

I started this blog to remind myself that I have plenty of things to keep me happy and engaged with life because sometimes I forget that and allow myself to sink down into a puddle of blah. Especially in times like these, where a lot of things beyond my control come at me all at once. It's important (if a little cliché) to look on the bright side and I want to focus on using this blog as it was intended, to document all the amazing (maybe...??) ways I utilize my 2 weeks of quarantine, that keep me afloat, mentally. 

I will be fine. Everything is fine.

And hey, at least Trump lost right?

Halloween for Hermits

Happy Halloween! Well, happy day after Halloween anyway. 

Halloween isn't something I usually go out of my way to make a big fuss about to be honest but this year, it was on a Saturday AND there's a whole pandemic stopping people from getting together to do fun things so naturally I wanted to do something fun that involved leaving the house because, of course, as soon as you tell me I can't do something, I immediately become consumed with the desire to do it (what can I say, wanting to do the opposite of what is wise is apparently a popular American trait).

Anyhoo, of course we stayed in because we're Responsible Adults, though we probably would have regardless because we're also Hermit Wannabes. We'd been watching scary-ish movies leading up to the big day but last night we decided to mix it up and play a s p o o k y game instead.

First though, here's my beverage of the night, Rouge's Dead Guy Ale out of Oregon. I thought it would be appropriate for the day given the name but it's been one of my go-to's for ages. I like to stay local usual (New England has me spoiled for choice, its not hard) but Dead Guy ale is such a good, solid option that I can't help put pick up a six pack every once in a while. There are plenty of beers I love but have to be in the mood for given their unique flavors and styles, but there is never a time when I wouldn't enjoy a Dead Guy Ale. Also, I'm super partial to brown ales and their Hazelnut Brown Nectar is an excellent example and one of my all time favorites. 

On to g a m e s! Last night we played Mansions of Madness, yet another of Fantasy Flight's Arkham Horror games, like the one I posted about a while ago called Eldritch Horror. Same art style, characters, monsters, etc, but Mansions is app driven, meaning game play is moved along by an app so we have to have a laptop set up to play. This element eliminates the need for some of the million tiny decks of cards and a few of the tokens of Eldritch Horror, making it a little quicker to play (depending on the scenario anyway) and better if you're low on space (or don't feel like taking all your plants off the table). 

Speaking of scenarios, here are M and I choosing which one to play. They vary in difficultly and length of play, information that's included in the description. The big draw of Mansions versus Eldritch for me are these different scenarios- most of them involve an investigation of some sort as opposed to just fighting monsters and I do love a good creepy mystery. Also, it includes more puzzles which I love. They're usually used to open safes and locked drawers/chests and are often logic puzzles (for M) or those sliding block puzzles (for me). 

Another cool thing about Mansions is the modular game board. You have a ton of different "room" tiles that gradually come out as you "explore" whichever area you're in- the app will tell you which ones to take out. If you look closely, the red tokens indicate a room to be explored and is mirrored on the computer screen.

A little closer view of the board. Like I've mentioned before, I love the art. Like Eldritch, you get various tool/items to help you out along the way. That shotgun on the far right of the line of cards really came in handy for me for instance.

Aaaand here is the board once we finished and won! ...sort of. We got the ending that wasn't ideal but the bad guy didn't win and we didn't die. M was stuck in the future though.

I very much enjoyed the game and it was a good Halloween activity but I still like Eldritch Horror better, millions of tiny cards and all. I feel like in Eldritch you have more control over your own destiny. In Mansions, you can't take an action to heal yourself unless you have an item or person specific action that will let you (so once you start losing health/sanity, you're usually screwed), and improving/gaining skills, tools, items, and spells are done at the whim of the game and not something you can set out to gain yourself. Also, we feel like sometimes our loss was inevitable given the time constraints and vast amounts of items and rooms to search. Eldritch can also be frustrating, yes, but in a less... frustrating way. 

That totally made sense, sure.

Finally, Halloween wouldn't be compete with out a treat, right? I didn't feel like putting a lot of effort into it though so I just whipped up some chocolate coconut haystacks. Very easy, just pour melted chocolate over crunchy chow mein noodles and toasted coconut, mix, drop in blobs on a cookie sheet, and put in the fridge until hardened and voila! A super easy (yet ridiculously messy to eat) treat with maximum chocolate and minimal effort. 

I hope everyone had a great Halloween! Enjoy a little last minute spookiness with Screamin' Jay Hawkins before you go...

Embracing Change

I am back, and with news... but this time, it's actually good news.

Also, my hair is blue! Sort of anyway.

I'll make you wait for the good news but first, a look at my journey to sort-of-blueness. 

I've always liked the idea of having "fun" hair- if you're going through the trouble to dye it, why settle on a normal hair color?? I've been terrified to take the plunge though because my hair is very fine and if genetics has anything to say about it (and of course, it usually does), it'll start to get dangerously thin soon enough. I have this (admittedly misguided) notion that if I'm nice to my hair, it won't abandon me and that coupled with the fact that I don't want to do anything that might ruin it- I need to be able to enjoy it while I have it!- has led me to have "virgin hair" for the first 31.5 years of my life. 

Recently though, I stumbled across a product called Overtone. They make hair dye that is essentially a tinted deep conditioner and there's a line specially formulated for people with dark hair that requires no lightening/bleaching. Of course, this means your hair isn't going to be a vibrant color but I mean, a dye that's actually good for my hair?? It's exactly what I've been looking for so I had to try it.

 

This is the one I got. I kinda wanted to do green (my favorite color!) but it was sold out. I love blue too though so that's the one I chose out of the 7 possible options. This is clearly a picture of the tub AFTER I used it, as evidenced by the blue smudges. I wish that was the only place I found blue smudges after my ordeal...

I have to admit, my nerve started to waver at this point. I mean, that's really freaking blue. On the plus side, it also smelled delightfully of herbs and made my hair smell nice for days afterward.

This is the before shot, not the best I'll admit. M assisted me with the photography and he was too busy laughing at me most of the time to get an especially good shots, for reasons you will see below. It's also freshly fully blow-dried with no products in it, hence the visible sad dryness. 

Here I am waiting for the color to process (about 15 minutes) after I globbed on about 3/4 of the tub, covered in blue, and rethinking all of my like choices while M cackled at my predicament in the background. My sister bought the orange dye and reported to me that it wasn't too messy and didn't stain so I wasn't as careful as I probably should've been because that blue all over my neck, back, and shoulders DID NOT IMMEDIATELY WIPE OFF. I thought I was a Smurf for life. I also dropped some dye on my sink and in my shower which required bleach to remove. Next time I do this, I'm forcing M to stand by with wet wipes to wipe it off my skin immediately. I'm sure he'll totally agree to that.

I was very careful to wear gloves when I put the dye on of course but didn't think anything of it when I rinsed it off in the shower... and of course dyed my hands blue. Here they are after I attempted to scrub it off.

This is a terrible picture of what it looked like afterward- I discovered that the blueness is super hard to capture in pictures. It's there though, I promise! Also, I was too impatient to see what it really looked like to do my normal air dry so I blow-dried it yet again. My poor curls. 
 

This picture from the Overtone website is a much better representation of what my hair looked like before and looks like now. It's much darker with a bluish tinge to it, especially visible in the sunlight. I absolutely love it! And I went dark just in time for spooky season.

I would most definitely do this again, despite the mess (which was mostly due to me being somewhat unprepared). I also got the daily conditioner which deposits blue in your hair so it should last a while, even though it wasn't cheap. It did make my hair soft and nice though, and when I run out of dye, it'll fade out naturally- no shocking roots. Who knows, I may even try a different color next!

[That all sounded a bit like a sponsored plug but I assure you, my enthusiasm is genuine and unpaid.]

Well, that's my blue hair journey for you. As promised, if you've stayed with me through all that, you will now be rewarded with good news.

Not only did I get the job I wanted as discussed in my last post, but I got the pay I wanted/deserved. 

If you don't want to go through the trouble of reading the last post, here's a quick recap: I went to a job interview, nailed it, they called me to ask if I wanted the job even before I left the parking lot, then HR decided I should get paid half of what I was initially told I would get because they felt my past experience didn't transfer despite clearly not really knowing what it actually was. 

I decided I couldn't let that stand and needed to write an email to HR but put it off until the next day so I could calm down a bit. I had M help me write a professional yet clearly disgruntled email (he's far more used to corporate emailing than me and his help was invaluable), copying the principal I interviewed with (did I mention the job was with an elementary school? Well, I am now if I didn't before). He emailed me back soon afterward, apologized for HR, and said he'd speak to them. The very next day I got a new offer email with the pay I was expecting and had a delightful conversation with the principal about how he knew I was perfect for the job and was excited to have me be part of the team.

What was initially a bad situation made me even more excited to start the job. The people I'm going to be directly working with fought to get me on board and already value what I'm bringing to the table- a super nice feeling, especially given how things have been at my current job. On top of that, I'm super proud of myself for not giving up and standing up for myself. In situations like this, I often get very anxious and overwhelmed and would normally opt to walk away and try again somewhere else. This time though, I decided I had had enough of applying to jobs and interviews and all that, so I wasn't going to give up that easy. And now, I've put in my two weeks notice and am excited to start a new adventure at the beginning of November!

Here's to embracing change!

Get a Move On: Angry Walk

A lot has happened since last we met. I went on a much needed vacation where I visited my family. The day before I ventured on my 8 hour drive to Maryland however, I had a job interview.

A very successful job interview.

So successful that I, well, got the job. They called me before I was even out of the parking lot. 

Oh don't get too excited though. I'm not finished. 

Upon my return and as I wait in quarantine for my covid-19 test to come back, I had a Zoom meeting with HR where I discovered they apparently did not value my experience as much as I was lead to believe and the point at which they put me on their pay scale was shockingly, disappointingly low and quite at odds with what I was told from the get-go. 

I feel under appreciated- a feeling I'm too familiar with in my current job to accept it going into a new one-  and frustrated at the apparent lack of communication between the people I interviewed with who spoke excitedly about how well my experience would benefit the position, versus HR who, well, clearly doesn't see it that way. I had someone describe my current job as "just watching kids, making sure they don't run off," an insultingly gross underestimation of what I actually do, as a way to justify paying me less, turning what started out as disappointment into anger. 

Now, I know these things happen, job hunting takes persistence, yada yada yada, and I do have a couple emails to write before I'm completely out of the running here (I was excited about the job itself so I gotta try all I can to get that good ol' livable wage) but now, now was time for an Angry Walk.

Luckily it's Fall which, in my opinion, is the perfect time for an Angry Walk because the point of an Angry Walk is to come home with a lot less anger than you started out with and how can you not cool down both literally and metaphorically when you're walking through this?

[Quick interlude: look at my sneakers. Look at them. If you are in the market for athletic-ish type shoes (especially if your athletics mostly include putzing around outside and/or getting forced into sporting activities with kids), may I recommend these Merrell Alpines. They are the ideal blend of extreme comfort, style, and delightful color combos.]

I walked, I Angry Texted a friend, I took pictures. Lots of pictures.

I initially started out walking around town but quickly realized fall was in full force so it would be a shame to not find some more trees to walk through. This is the start of the rail trail I walked on, which is where many of these pictures come from.

This guy appears to be on fire. He's showing off more than his surrounding friends. You go small dude.

I do love some good bridge shots. What makes foliage shots even better? Water!

In high-emotion situations, I find I shut down, completed unable to express myself adequately, and often the only way to snap out of it is a good Angry Walk. This time was no exception. I feel far better, ready to move on to my next steps, whatever those may be. 

And at the very least, I know what I'm worth. 

I hope you enjoyed my Angry Walk through some delightful New England foliage as much as I did (though I hope you didn't start out as angry). Now, I'm going to self-medicate with a mini-binge of The Great British Bake Off and dyeing my hair blue. 

Yup.

Made It: Wedding Terrariums

With my wedding being pushed back thanks to Covid-19, I now have time to do a lot of the fun, crafty things I originally wanted to do but ran out of time for. 

At least, that's the idea.

I'm the queen of making grand plans that quickly get forgotten (which, yes, is what happened the first time around) so whether all this happens remains to be seen. Somehow though, I managed to make some slight progress recently in the form of a terrarium. 

At some point, I got it into my head that having living plants, especially terrariums, would make for a really cool centerpiece for the tables at my wedding; something people would actually want to take home and would be able to enjoy for a while. I've never made a terrarium before though so I knew I needed to have a test run before I commit. Luckily, I braved Ikea and stumbled across a really cool (and cheap) domed glass... thing that would make the perfect prototype. Et voila: 

I'd want to use a larger container (but not too large- I want people to bring them home with  them after all) for the centerpieces but this was just a dry run anyway. I really like how it turned out! I knew I'd want to include funny little figurines or whatever in my wedding stuff so I found this tiny alien that I'm pretty sure was an arcade prize of some sort (I don't mean to brag but I'm a pro-level skee baller). It seemed right to put an alien in a weird miniature world I created.

Something I did not think about when I chose the dome though, was that I'd have to put the rocks/charcoal/dirt in a separate container to plant my plant in so I could take the dome on and off for watering without lots of spillage. Luckily I had a small plastic container I could trim down to make fit.

I wanted to make a test terrarium super early because I wanted to see how it'd look over time to see if I needed to make them far in advance or super close to the wedding. Or at all of course. Here's what it looks like a little less than a month later where it sits on my bookshelf:

It's doing super well! As you can see, it's making it's own little rainforest in there. That was something I was worried about in the wedding department actually; would it be too hard to see into/look bad as a centerpiece with all the condensation? I don't think it looks terrible but I am leaning toward an open terrarium now to be honest. I'm still pretty happy to have this dude living on my self though so no regrets. That was the purpose of making it anyway! 

I highly recommend making your own if you're even considering it. It came together quickly and relatively inexpensively. Here are my materials:

1. A plant(s). Make sure they're moisture loving and will fit in your container obviously. I used a Peperomia Frost because it was my favorite plant in my Garden Center's terrarium plant section. You do you of course though.
2. Potting soil. I just used some that I had hanging around.
3. Horticultural charcoal so your plants don't rot in the wicked humid conditions.
4. Sphagnum moss to regulate the humidity.
5. Small stones for drainage.
6. Something to put it all in, preferably made of glass. Thrift stores would probably be a more fun place to find that then Ikea. 

I layered it like so, starting from the bottom: Stones, charcoal, soil, plant, moss. For more of the particulars of how and why, check out this Popular Mechanics article, and/or this one from The Spruce, they're what I consulted the most before starting this. There's tons of help out there for whatever kind of terrarium you want to make though.

It was really fun creating my own little world and look forward to maybe doing it more in the future. It was also nice do do something a little different with my plants, now that I'm a full fledged plant lady. 

And on that note, I'll leave you with this Strange Planet comic. Enjoy!

Multipotentia-what?

Recently, I watched the TED talk I've posted above: Emilie Wapnick: Why some of us don't have one true calling. 

But first: I applied to a job.

If you know me, you wouldn't be shocked at that last bit of news and that is for two reasons. 

1) I've applied to a quite a few jobs in the last few years, and

2) I complain about my current job. A lot.

I'm pretty proud of #1 there as it speaks of some perseverance on my part. I've applied to tons of jobs, I've had a decent handful (like, a large man's handful, not a baby's or something) of interviews, most of which I made to the final round of interviews. #2 though... yeah I'm sorry about that guys.

I've mentioned this before I'm sure but I work in a psychiatric hospital, in direct care no less. With TEENAGERS no no less. It doesn't take a stretch of the imagination to think "ohhh yeah that gal's burnt out." And she is. I am. 

This job isn't set up for people to stay as long as I have, and that's the real issue here. I stayed 8 (?!?!) years at a job with no real upward-or even lateral-movement. I focused on my life outside of work, got adjusted to living in a new state, made new friends, met now-fiancés, and I put finding a job on the back burner. Next thing I know, I'm scrambling to find a new job- not just any job but one I actually want- because all of a sudden, going to work has become an absolute emotional chore. I got complacent and now I'm panicking. 

And here, sort of, we come to the video I've included above. Whenever I'd mention to someone new about wanting a different job, they'd say, of course, "well what do you want to do?" And then I'd say...

"I don't know."

Because I honestly don't. I like lots of things. The world is an interesting place and I've always been in awe of those people who pick a thing they want to do, get all the requirements needed to do it, and, you know, do it. Be the thing. And I know there are a ton of people who are doing jobs that they didn't aspire to do but still, lots of them I'm sure had something the really wanted to do, they just encountered too many barriers. I couldn't even pick a dream job. 

I always thought this meant there was something wrong with me and I hated answering the "what do you want to do" question because my answer was so vague and made me seem unambitious. And then, I watched that TED talk. And I learned I was a multipotentialite.

As mentioned in that link, multipotentialite refers to someone who "displays aptitudes across multiple disciplines." And that video (and the website/community attached to it called Puttylike) made me realize liking and doing all sorts of different things could be a huge benefit to many jobs, and that I didn't need to have a super narrow focus in my job search. I could, crazily enough, do whatever I wanted and that's okay.

What a revelation. With that fresh in my mind, I cast a ridiculously wide net in my latest bout of job searching and came back with a job a library. A library! With books! I love those things! I had the job interview today and hopefully did well, though of course, like any human post-interview, I'm worrying about whether or not I got all across what I wanted to get across. Time will tell I suppose. 

In any event, it feels good to have a new lease on job hunting. It especially feels good to throw off the shackles (dramatic!) of needing to find a "career." Part of that, I will admit, is a desire to have a job that sounds impressive to others, as stupid as that is. But at least I now have a healthier mindset in my job search and feel like I'm finally moving forward, something I haven't felt in far too long. 

***

Anyhoo, that was kinda a bit much so I'll leave you with Ashley's Job Hunt Playlist. Enjoy!

1) Career Opportunities, The Clash

2) Blue Collar Man (Long Nights), Styx

3) 9 to 5, Dolly Parton

4) She Works Hard for the Money, Donna Summers

And last, but certainly not least,

5) Take This Job and Shove it, Johnny Paycheck

Yee haw!

I Read: A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius

Occasionally, I go through these long stretches where I just... don't read. I mean, I can always answer the question "what are you reading right now?," I'm always schlepping a book around just in case I find myself sitting around somewhere with nothing much to do (I, of course, aim to make that happen as much as possible). Sometimes though, I just don't make the time to read. There can be a variety of reasons why this happens to me but sometimes I just choose a book that doesn't really hit that mark of what I want to read at the time, but I can't give up on it because by the time I realize it's not suiting my mood, I've also recognized that it's good and I feel like I'm in too deep to leave it for later. That, I think, is what happened with A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius.

Fantastic beginning to a review, amiright?

I've been familiar with Dave Eggers for quite some time as the founder of McSweeny's Internet Tendency which I occasionally pop over to read their often hilarious articles. Aaaaaaaaand I've already diverged from my review by going down two significant rabbit holes. The first is when I looked up Dave Eggers himself. I'm currently background watching the British Antiques Roadshow while typing this in my pajamas at 2:30pm because I played hooky from work (long day yesterday, long story) which made reading Eggers' list of accomplishments extra depressing. Aside from his many and various literary projects, he has an impressive list of charitable organizations he has a hand in as well. What am I doing with my life? How does he do so many things? When does he find himself with a few minutes to read the book he's been carrying around in his bag? This is terrifying.

The next rabbit hole was McSweeny's. If you're not familiar, McSweeny's is a San Francisco based non-profit publishing company that has a few interesting publications and lots of books under their belt, all geared toward championing new and unique writing, as well as a daily humor site, (Internet Tendency) which again is where I'm familiar with Eggers. If you also want to go down a McSweeny's rabbit hole with me, I highly encourage it and I'll like to suggest a couple articles for you: Encounters From Dungeons and Dragons: 2020 Edition and I Assure You, the Vaccine Our Administration is Rushing to Release is Not Just Three Kids Stacked Under a Trench Coat, both of which made me laugh out loud.

Ok, back to the book (were we ever there to begin with?). A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius is a memoir, which is not something I usually pick up but because of my aforementioned interest in the author, the expectation of some smart humor, and the fact that it was $4 from a used book store, I thought I'd give it a try. It's strange that I'm not usually into memoirs/autobiographies/biographies though because I am endlessly nosey and always want to know about the private lives of people but this was the first memoir I've read, now that I think of it. To be honest, I didn't even know the difference between an autobiography and a memoir but found this infographic from Book Riot to be super helpful. 

Anyway, the book is Eggers' account of the period after his parents death when, at 21 he was charged with taking care of his 8 year old brother. It focuses on the logistics of being a good caregiver but also being a 21 year old trying to do 21 year old things after moving to California and struggling to start a satirical magazine with his friends. It's filled with that very 90s specific affectation, that excessive amount of cynical introspection that I find can get old quickly, but he balances that well in the book by constantly checking himself, so to speak, so just when you're about to roll your eyes, he finds a way to take himself down a peg, bring it back to earth.

I would give this book a 3.5 stars out of 5 and to be honest, I feel a little guilty about it. I'm not sure if my rating is purely based on the fact that it wasn't the kind of book I really felt like reading at the time or not but as of right now that's my honest rating. Overall, I'd recommend it if the description interested you at all, the style is more, I dunno, artistic I guess than expected from an account of someone's life which is most definitely a "pro" from me. It's also made me extra interested in reading more of Eggers' work in the future so take what you will from that.

***

Wow, this was such weird review. It wasn't so much a review as it was an account of my harrowing adventure trying to get through a book during a period of uncharacteristically apathetic reading habits. I live such an exciting life, what can I say.