I Made It: Surprise Snowflake

I'm having guests for Christmas and even though it's my sister who is the messiest person I've ever had the displeasure of once sharing a room with, that means I'm in this extreme cleaning mode where I clean absolutely everything, even stuff no guest is going to see or notice. Like my desk for instance.

I have a pretty sweet desk with tons of shelving and drawers which is one part awesome because I can stash all my crafty supplies, but one part not awesome because it sometimes becomes a black hole where things get forgotten.

In this recent crazy person cleaning I did, I found this cross-stitchable laser engraved wooden snowflake I purchased last year from the Etsy Shop WayvDesigns.

Here's the listing for that specific snowflake if you wanted to copy me.

I had bought three, stitched two of them up for gifts, kept one for myself because I liked it and can do whatever I want because I'm an adult, then promptly forgot about it. No problem though because it felt like Past-Ashley just gave a gift to Present-Ashley (I'm/we're so thoughtful!). I took a break from my other projects I'm working on (unadvisable but inevitable) to stitch it up and hang it on my tree. Voila:

It was super simple to do- you could definitely get more ornate with it if you're motivated like that but I was just looking for a minor diversion from my obligations, not a full-on derailment. I took variegated Christmas-colored embroidery floss (all 6 strands, good luck threading that) and back stitched it in a sort of spiral from the outside top to the middle. I'm wondering now if it would've been easier to start in the middle but I'm also wondering if I particularly care (no). I used the leftover length of thread to tie a loop to hang it on my tree but you could go the classier route and use a ribbon of course.

Definitely sewed this while sitting on my couch getting caught up on Star Trek: Discovery. Below is a shot of the back. You won't really see it much but it's an unnecessary point of pride when the back of your cross stitch is neat. It just shows you are the kind of person that cares too much about things that don't actually matter (me in a nutshell). 

I'm pretty happy with how it came out and am glad I am one step closer to totally overburdening my tree with an obscene amount of awesome ornaments in the way I became accustomed to growing up (hi Ma!). Now I guess I have no excuse for avoiding my responsibilities.... or do I...

*I'm linking this because I really liked the purchase I made, as well as many of the other things in this shop (check it out!!), not because someone else told me to. I do what I want, ok?!

Taco Bell Feelings

Well I didn't get the job.

I waited so long to write something about it partially because life just did that thing where all of a sudden the waters turn rough and you feel like you're being carried along through the rapids, and also partially because I didn't want to write a post where I just talk about how bummed I was because who wants to read that and also I knew I'd be fine.

And hey, look. I am. I was right.

I did go through a [surprisingly] brief period where I was gripped with disappointment though. I dwelled on the fact that I was told I was one of the top 2 candidates yet still managed to mess up 50/50 odds. I dwelled on the fact that I wouldn't get out of working Christmas this year. These feelings are all pretty natural I think and to my credit, I did the right thing which is to let the feelings run right through you like Taco Bell. Just what you needed at the time, some discomfort after, but then you leave it all behind and feel much better having survived.

Classic

Anywho, to be honest, I mostly feel relieved now that I've settled down. I have a lot going on this time of year and I like to enjoy it as much as possible. Starting a new job would definitely put quite a bit of stress on me, but now I can relax and fully immerse myself in the Christmas spirit and still have enough energy to be obnoxious about it, which I greatly enjoy doing. Next year I'll start up the job search again but for now, CHRISTMASSSSSS!

Source

Just a quick update for now but I'll be back with some more fun stuff I definitely haven't thought up yet. To sing my exit, here's one of my current favorite Christmas songs.

I read: The Blind Assassin

I like to read and I don't take that lightly. I don't mean that I occasionally pick up a book while on vacation here; I'm talking about never not having a book in progress since I could make my way through a novel. Because of this, it's only natural that I share my reads on occasion since they are one of the things that brings me joy.

Though I couldn't exactly say my recent read of The Blind Assassin by Margaret Atwood brought me any joy per se, but that's not a critique by any means. 

You can read the blurb on Goodreads I linked you to up there for a more eloquent description of this novel but here's my quick summary: 

A cynical and tired old woman narrates the trials and tribulations of her life in the 1930s and 1940s which is occasionally interrupted by a story about two secret lovers, one of whom is a pulpy science fiction writer who tells the other a sci-fi story called The Blind Assassin throughout the course of their clandestine meetings. These two (three??) seemingly disparate stories eventually intertwine in the most surprising way, in the best slow-burn fashion; you go from being sure of the connection, to unsure, to wildly unsure, to sudden reveal.

Got that? Good.

I would give this book a 4.5 out of 5 stars, highly recommended. I had to stop reading this at work because afterward I'd be super affected by the narraters vaguely negative and cynical tone but that's quite the testament to Atwood's writing ability. I went beyond just enjoying it or not enjoying it. I couldn't help but become fully immersed. 

Prior to this book, I'd only read one of her books, Oryx and Crake (when linking this up, I discovered two more connected books have been written after I read it making it a trilogy I now HAVE TO READ), and it was fantastic. Much more sci-fi. A Handmaid's Tale has been getting a lot of mention lately what with it being made into a show and all but I've been putting off reading it because of all the hype. I'm glad too, because I picked this book up instead and do not regret it one bit.

Ps- I always take any and all book enthusiastic suggestions.

Comic: Confidence

Today I had my interview. I feel as if it well but of course only time will tell just how well it went. I thought about it on the way home and the reason I believe it went so well was that, shockingly and completely against my normal state of emotional affairs, I somehow was able to act confident. I envision my inner self to be a confusing maze of corridors lined with doors, some of them wide open, some of them locked with some sort of complicated puzzle based lock. Guess which door confidence is usually behind?

...Yup. Hence my shock.

I've checked out a lot of interview tips on the internet throughout this process and the one that makes me roll my eyes the most is "Confidence is key!!" I mean, Jesus Christ, of course that's freaking helpful but if I was able to drum up more confidence that easily, I wouldn't be looking at this dumb infographic or whatever. Shoot, if I was more confident, I probably would have had a new job ages ago. 

It's a pretty obvious interview/life tip that acting confident can instill confidence in you in others but that's easier said than done. My confidence isn't failing me because I forgot to like, flick a switch or something. It's been a very long and difficult process to get to the point where I can be asked a question like "how do you feel about occasional public speaking?" in an interview and not laugh and run away. But here I am. Regardless of whether or not I get the job (I'm one of the top 2 candidates though!!), I was able to do even better than what my best used to be. So hey, go me.

I'll leave you with a comic I just so happened to stumble across today that sparked this post. Enjoy.

Check out more Mr Lovenstein comics on his site!

I made it! - A little advice from Worf

I've been unsatisfied with my current job for quite some time now so I've been on the hunt for a new one for ages. It's been slow going- I'm being picky (because why shouldn't I be?) and finding a job I'm passionate about that also pays at or above my current salary has proved... difficult to say the least (because social work degree). I really must be a glutton for punishment too because not only that but I'm looking to branch out a little, meaning I'd like to continue in the "helping people" vein but move away from mental health for a little bit to save my own mental health.

Anywho, I've gone on quite a few interviews and, clearly, no real hits yet. Scheduling/money has been the main reason for that but I've had my fair share of "sorry, we've decided to go with another candidate." It's certainly disheartening after a while but on the plus side, though I still get gut wrenchingly anxious the day of the interview, once I'm actually sitting across from the interviewer(s), I'm strangely calm and unflappable. I've even mastered some in-interview banter for crying out loud. Practice makes perfect, who knew?

Mr. Worf. source

All that has led up to this: I went on an interview a week ago and today, I got a call informing me that they liked me, felt I was a good fit, and in order to decide between me and one other candidate, would I like to come in for a second/final interview on Tuesday?

YES. YES I WOULD. 

It's easy to get ahead of myself and start dreaming of all the upcoming holidays I won't have to work (I currently work in a hospital with round-the-clock staffing so we work every other holiday), the restraints I won't have to do (did I mention it was a psychiatric hospital?), omg the weekends I won't have to work (yup, every other weekend too)... and that's not even taking into account the potentially rewarding, interesting, and, dare I say, fun, nature of the work itself. 

I'm trying to keep the balance of realistic "there's only a 50/50 chance I'll get it, it's not definite" and optimistic "omg I'm gonna KILL the second interview like I did the first, how could they not hire me?" but it's difficult as I naturally tend to see-saw between extremes. Then there's the whole anxiety around the interview process itself...

While I would not condone not preparing for an interview of course, I know what's best for me here is to not worry about it (HAHAHA) for as long as possible. I'm still primed with knowledge and snappy interview question answers from my recent interview; what happens now is largely out of my control. I can do my very best but the interviewers decisions are their own.

I know this all very logically, it sounds good, but it's hard to accept, especially when you've been job searching for so long and now you're so close. I could be writing a blog post next week about how I deal with not getting the job after all but aside from the normal interview prep work I've already put it, it's out of my hands. It's not up to me.

On the cork board on the wall to the right of my desk, I have pinned a scrap of paper with the following phrase on it: 

"Thinking about what you can't control only wastes energy and creates its own enemy."

For any Trekkies out there it's from Star Trek: TNG, S1E19 "Coming of Age" and today, that quote really caught me (shout out to my man Worf). In an effort to follow that advice, I doodled a little picture of it to take my mind off things.

Sorry for the crappy mom-style picture of a picture.  The scanner intimidates me.

I've been doing a lot of doodling at work lately to pass the time. My specialty is little cartoons of the kids saying funny things, they love it. So, this is what came out of my rollercoaster of anxiety/excitement/stress today and I'm pretty darn happy with it.

If I was going to nitpick (always and forever yes I will do that), I'd say I should've tried to write the quote in something other than my never-neat handwriting. Oh and I realized afterward that since this is from season one, he would've been wearing command red...

And for you non Trekkies (weirdos), The strange gray shape under the banner is a bat'leth, and the knives are called a d'k tahg, both Klingon weapons. Oh and the little things shooting red on the sides are TNG phasers.

I'm going to continue doing my best not to worry but I'll be ready on Tuesday. I'll just wait to freak out until then but it's ok; as Worf said in that very same episode:

source

Qapla'!

Internet: get schwifty

I'm not a 15 year old boy that wears a Rick and Morty hoodie with his Pickle Rick socks pulled up to high school when he really wants to impress but I love the show, ok? It's ridiculous and hilarious, ok?

I know this is making me seem more like a 15 year old boy but I said all that to justify/explain/whatever me posting the following meme real quick. You're welcome and enjoy.

Want: Tombstone pins, obviously

I've started Christmas shopping. This is partly because I know that if I wait too long to start planning, a panic meltdown is in my future (I'm a very conscientious gift giver, ok? It's freaking stressful, ok?), and partly because I am THAT person about Christmas.

This of course, is a bit of a double-edged sword. Is it good to be on top of things? Yes. Is it good that I'm looking for cool stuff on the internet a lot, especially when it shows me not things my mom likes BUT ALL THE THINGS THAT I LIKE ALL THE TIME? No, probably not.

Anywho, needless to say I found something I wanted to give to myself because it was funny and this, of course, totally veered my evening in an entirely different and non-Christmassy direction. This is it, I need this pin:

Find it here

And just like that, I found myself on an Internet Spiral that I only snapped out of after I realized it was dark and that I was cold and hungry. What a wild time it was. First, I started thinking about how awesome (ok, sure, awesome, that's the word, yeah) it would be to put something a little more interesting on my headstone. I feel like it'd be apt to have something like the above pin, though other contestants include variations thereof such as:

• I guess that wasn't so bad
• At least now I don't have to talk on the phone ever again
• I have no idea what I'm doing here
• I get to stay in bed forever now? This doesn't seem so bad.

This quickly led to a Google search of interesting tombstones which took a bulk of my time. Somehow from there I came full circle and went back to Etsy to check out tombstone pins. Below are my favorites to wrap up this strange post.

From here. A good epigraph if I pick up a little more confidence as I go.

From here.

From here. I feel like the flames are a nice touch. Think I could have my tombstone permanently set ablaze?

From here. Couldn't have a good ol' tombstone pin lineup without a showing from one of my favorite authors.

*I'm showing you these because I like them, not because someone asked me to. I do what I want, ok?!