School's Out

 Ah, here we are, yet another month has passed me by. But hey, I'm not going to worry about it. I mean, I'm gonna be honest with you- why should I? Who am I doing this but for me? And me was overwhelmed for a while, ok?

See what I did there? A little different tactic. Less apologies, more assertiveness. No long winded excuses. I must be feeling good! It must be..

~~~SUMMER BREAK!!!~~~

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So hey, yeah, I'm on vacation and feeling marginally better than I was a week or two ago (see angst here), though not as good as I thought I would to be honest. When I finally left school that last day I thought I would be filled with elation. Not since I was 16 have I had this much time off of work. Surely I should be ecstatic! 

Alas, that is apparently not how my brain works and instead of bliss, I was hit with a tidal wave of guilt and panic. I just felt... weird about it. Luckily, I have a friend who also works in a school I can vent to because this is the sort of thing you feel like a complete asshole complaining to any other working stiff about. I don't feel bad about having an issue with this but I'm acutely aware that there are far worse problems to have.

I've spent some time reflecting on it (because what better way to get out of a brain funk than to take a deep dive into all the stuff that could possibly be upsetting you) and I think I was just more burnt out from my job at the psych hospital than I realized. The sluggishness and apathy I've felt have been annoying and troubling to me but while working full time, it's easy to attribute some of that to being tired and preoccupied from working. I'm realizing now that it goes a little deeper than that.

There are lots of things I'd love to do with all my free time this summer but I've spent most of my time so far in something of a daze. I've been doing a lot of cleaning and tidying. I did a puzzle in record time. Basically, I just can't sit still and commit to something. 

At the very least, despite all the introspection and inability to figure out how to spend my time, like I said at the start of this post, I'm still feeling pretty good overall so it's my hope that the fog will clear and I'll get into something soon. In the meantime, I'm attempting- when I can pause my aimless wanderings long enough- to fill up on inspiration as much as possible so when I'm finally in the mood, I'll be bursting with possibilities. 

What do I do when I'm taking a break from having to do things but don't want to not do anything for the entire summer you ask? List time!

• Walk. Obviously exercise makes you feel better so I've been trying to go out for a walk everyday. It's been HOT here though (but not quite as hot as the pacific northwest- ugh, sorry guys!), so I haven't been great at that but today I did make it out. I foolishly failed to bring water so I arrived back at my apartment feeling a little woozy and dripping in sweat with a tomato-red face. Allow me to hit you with some TMI -  I then stripped off my clothes and stood naked while drinking water in my bathroom, waiting for my shower to get to the right temperature. Glamorous.
• Wow, I really hate being hot.

• Listen to podcasts- I've mentioned that I listen to podcasts before and I pretty much listen to the same ones on that list still but instead of listening on my way to work, I've been listening on my walks or while sitting on my porch, possibly cross stitching. My latest favorite and new addition is Levar Burton Reads where my man Levar Burton reads then reflects on a short story. It's FANTASTIC. He's a great reader (which I already knew from my Reading Rainbow days) and they add just enough sound effects to make the storytelling even more immersive without going overboard. Plus, his brief discussion of the story at the end is always interesting and insightful. Today I listened to him read "Vaccine Season" by Hannu Rajaniemi and it was amazing.

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• Read. My book numbers are going to be horrible this year but I already have a couple more to add to the list!

• Watch crafty YouTube. I haven't really been a huge YouTube watcher but recently I stumbled across a number of crafty channels and I can stop watching them. They make me want to try so many new crafty things!!! Most of them deal with model building but I'm working on putting a list of suggestions together, so stay tuned if you think that might be your thing.

• Continue working on stitching projects in progress. Sure, they're not new and exciting, but I feel good working on something and that just clears out more space for NEW projects.

• Video games. I'm toggling between Animal Crossing and Quest For Glory: So You Want To Be A Hero, an adventure game from 1989 (though I'm playing the 1992 VGA version) at M's suggestion as the Quest For Glory series of games were his favorite growing up.

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That's basically it to be honest. Throw in a sprinkling of wedding planning related activities and hanging out with friends Friday and Saturday and you've pretty much got my first week down. I think I might tackle organizing my Craft Horde because that always makes me want to make a complete mess of it again by starting like 5 projects at once but we'll see. 

I'm going to sign off for now, but first I'm going to leave you with the song you KNOW I have to include in this post, it's 100% required.

PS:

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Man, lots of gifs today, huh?